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Hello my sexy reader. Welcome to the second edition of Mann ki Blog, my futile attempt at being funny and insightful about daily life events. I know. Pathetic.

First, let me ask you something. Do you know any couple (who’s wedding you have attended) that got divorced? I do. Boy I was fascinated to know that. Why you ask? I will tell you my lovely reader. The guy was gay it seems. No, I am not kidding. There was also talk about him beating that poor girl, but the main reason was that he’s super duper gay. We normally just read about such things in news but imagine this happening to someone you know. Wow. Anyhow, this naturally got me thinking. Why did he get married in the first place? I have a childhood friend who is a lesbian, don’t ask me who. She is from a small town and now is facing the pressure from her family to get married, which she couldn’t do for obvious reasons. Her girl friend is facing the same problem. What can one do in this situation dear reader? Fear not for I have thought of a solution.

Introducing my App idea #1 “Homo-alone: Never be alone”

This will be a one stop app for love and marriage. Love with one person and marriage with the other. Let me explain. If you are a girl with a girl friend, find a pair of gay men on the app, meet them, plan and each of you can get married to one of them. Everyone is happy and if all is well, you now have new friends, going out on double dates and picnics and stuff. It is a win-win-win situation as society will stop bothering you. I also spoke about the idea with my very talented (iOS developer) friend. She laughed and compared it to Tinder. It is not at all like Tinder. If you think so, then ANY app is a dating app if only one is desperate enough. Look at the screenshots (from YouTube comment section. LOL) here if you want proof.

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Homo-Alone has the potential to be a game changer especially in the countries where same sex marriages are illegal and others where it is still a taboo. Please note that I do not seek any profits from this idea. It is my gift to the society.

Moving on from gay couples, let me tell you about something that I can never fully understand. Tell me if you have seen this particular scene in an old black and white movie. A middle aged aunty (who might as well be the heroine in those days) receives bad news from a servant about an accident or death of her husband. She drops whatever she is holding and immediately goes,

“Yaaaaavandiiiiiiiiii!!!!!” while covering both her ears with her arms, looking in any random direction. You know what I am talking about right?

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So, why does she cover her ears? Have you ever seen someone doing it in real life? I have never. I cannot think of one possible reason why anyone would do that? Was it to avoid the loud sound of their own yelling? I honestly cannot tell. Crying in movies has come so far now. From that melodramatic ear covering to tears with pouting lips to howling like a wolf (below) to emotionally looking into the camera (further below) while blabbering heavy dialogues.

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All of these are understandable to some degree but that ear covering will always be a puzzle for me. I can happily live without knowing why Katappa killed Bahubali but this thing will keep bothering me.

If you think that this is not a big deal, wait till you read about my next problem. Almost a month ago, I was talking to my little nephew about different hairstyles and how I got the Abbas haircut when I was in 5th class. Not just me, most kids from my neighbourhood, many kids from my school and I guess several kids in the state got the Abbas haircut. Barbers charged extra for it. We begged our parents for that extra cash. What’s the problem now you ask? I will tell you my dear reader. Always in a hurry silly fellow. If you have been watching TV in recent times, I need not tell you what Abbas is doing now. He is selling Harpic, often ringing door bells and barging into houses, meeting aunties and offering to clean their toilets. How, when and why did this transistion happen man? From Kadal Desam to cleaning toilets. Wow. Last time I saw such a downfall was when Praja Rajyam party’s election results came out. At least Boss is Back now but what about you Abbas? If you are reading this Abbas, I can’t imagine why you would read this, but if you are, Why man? Why are you selling Harpic? You might be making a lot of money no doubt but boy, if my nephew finds out now, you’ll be responsible for the humiliation caused to an entire generation. One of these days, he might probably present me a Harpic bottle and direct me towards the nearest toilet.

Talking about toilets and related professions, you reader must have used a public bathroom and have paid the guy sitting outside a rupee or two right? But have you ever thought about how much a person should fuck up his life in order to end up in a position that he is in. I mean, there are bad jobs and there is that. How will they explain their job profile?

“Ooh me? I collect money from people who is about to poop in public bathrooms.”

Worse, what would their parents or children tell their friends? Sorry if I sound arrogant but there should be something else that they can do. Even cleaning the toilets I feel is a much more respectable job than sitting outside like that. But ya… I know I sound like a jerk. Who am I to judge them anyway. I am an idiot myself. May be they are earning lot more than me. Like those stories you hear on news about beggars having lakhs in their bank accounts. I guess we can never judge a person that easily. Come to think of it, he sits on his chair all day doing nothing. He is basically on a bathroom break all day. He need not even pay for the toilet if he wants to use it. Not bad. Forgive me for so much discussion about bathrooms and toilets. You have to understand that most of my pathbreaking dumb ideas pop up while in the shower and as you can guess, so did most of my thoughts for this post. Hehe.

So that’s all for today my pretty reader. Things are going great so far this year. I hope it does not turn out to be like last year which ended like the Titanic for me. I went to Papikondalu okay?! It started with me feeling like Jack while he shouts “I’m the king of the world.” There was no nude sketching though. The point is, it did not end the way I had hoped. To be honest, by the end of last year, I wasn’t even Jack. I was that guy in the end who slips and hits a pole during the fall before dropping dead in the ocean. Sad.

See you next time my lovely reader. Stay safe.

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